It has been ages from my previous entry. Yes, here comes the difficult time for (most but not all of) us to strive through the year-end examination, a.k.a. M.B.
I found it particularly difficult to express myself in Chinese since I have so much to express and I have to search from numerous words and get organised before I can complete an entry. In order to save time, I speak in English, a language that I was not familiar with, so that I could cut a long story short.
Yes, only 7 days left.
Lazy and stupid students like me are crazy now as the day of judgement is coming closer. We have gone through the four modules and, we have forgotten at least two, or worse, three of them. Only in a week's time we have to pick up at least 24+/-8 weeks' knowledge and experience, memories in those days come back again.
To go back further, we the gang of men talk about our glorious past in the A-level. Yeh, I was in the top 1% of the candidates in 2006. I was really proud of myself, and proud of my school. I was confident and grandiose.
My pride faded.
In these years, what I learn is that the reality is ugly and competition is fierce. Being selfish is an inevitable way to survive. I am not trying to be malignant, harming others to benefit myself, however, I had become less considerate.
In the days when I thought that selfless is glorious, I might be considered as arrogant. Today, when I am seemingly more humble, I considered myself to be shameful. My shining flame has dimmed as I stepped closer to the dark side.
It was not what I want.
Yesterday was the White Valentines' day. An amazing story happened outside the medical library. After a long day's revision, a year-one boy escorted his lady to the railway station. On the way he took out a bunch of rose from his backpack and presented it to the girl. The boy was nervous and the girl was happy to accept those bright red roses.
These will be the good old days the couple will remember, no matter will their love last forever or not, throughout their life. This is the way how we have gone through our developmental milestones, when love was puppy and mind was pure, before they experience hatred and enmity in this world.
Only in four years my life has become a routine, and I found that I have lost my interests and time in my life after devoting myself to study. When I was graduated from secondary school with hope and faith, I had anticipated my life in university and hospital. Though the years I have experienced a lot in the medical school, and have learnt from the reality.
I could hardly propose any plans for my future as I realised that I am too weak to have my future under control. In times when I was a best-of-the-best student, I always had a question to my fellow classmates, "Why don't you plan ahead for your JUPAS? Otherwise you have no way to go!"
Now I understand that this kind of "planning ahead" could not be easily achievable. It is me, the one who was too lucky and too late to face this problem only after four years. In this juncture, I have nearly no way to go. Where will I be in 2 years' time? One cannot determine his fate completely under his hands.
"The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)
