Viva

This is to my very surprise that I was invited to a viva voce. For those who know nothing about Latin, it can be literally translated to "a living voice", meaning "an oral examination", which is very frequently employed in academica for candidates to defend their thesis.

In the Great White Tower, only two kinds of sheeps are eligible for the viva, those run ahead, and those at the back. The crocodiles would like to know, though the viva, have a better idea of their preys, that how fast and slow those sheeps can run.

There are four parts in the examination papers. Only by chance and luck and the grace of God or whatever, I accidentally squeezed myself into the sheeps in the front at one of the four parts, and, being picked up by our nice crocodiles. When I first saw the viva list, I was very glad that I was not in the list of failure. When I felt relieved and scroll the list down lightly, I was very shocked to found my name in the last line of the last page.

Nevertheless, I have to emphasize that I hate that part most. Very, very, very. I don't know what the bullshit those bastards (yes, our dear crocodiles) are talking about. When I have finished the examination, I shouted loudly outside the examination hall "Damn crocodile who and who go to hell!" and that who and who crocodile picked me up three days later in his letters patent.

From that day, no more sheeps will trust me that I hate that subject most, but actually I do. I am not telling lies to cheat others and ease others' tension on revision, on the other hand read through all the textbooks on that subject twice. No. No. Never.

When I saw my name on the letters, although it is an honour to receive a viva in this way, I am not too happy at all. The only thing in my mind is that "Oh my God, I have to attend one more damn examination at the risk of being tortured by those crocodiles!" Only minutes later, my friends keep on sending me their hearty congratulations. Thousands of thanks!

I have to confess that I was not intended to strive for this honour, and this is really unexpected. All of my aim is to attend no viva at all. I truly believe that some of the genius and/or hardworking sheeps next to me deserve this honour more. This is a bonus for me, I have to say.

Before leaving for the examination room, I met a friend who was garrisoning the Great White Tower at the library, while I was busy flipping through Robbins in the last minutes. I expressed my nervousness to her, being so worried that I will spoil the honour given to me in case I perform badly in the distinction viva. She then gave me a metaphor, 'Say, you were one of the shortlisted candidates for Best Director in Oscar, and you lost finally. Do you feel shameful or not?' 'Not really.' I hesistated for a while, 'Still, I am lucky enough to be shortlisted.' 'Keep this in your mind and proceed to the viva.'

Thanks to the genius who told me my fate half a minute beforehand - there were only two nice crocodiles to confront.
Their first question was, 'How do you feel?'
'Nervous, of course,' I replied, 'This is my first time to have a viva examination'
'Hmm, I can see that you are quite tense, just sit back and relax.'
'It is very unexpected. My panel results are actually quite, so-so, or sometimes, poor.'
'Well, forget about that, those things are just for fun.' the crocodile gave me his classical cunning smile, 'We are looking for students that are good at our subject.'

Damn I hate your shitty subject most.

I was allowed to choose which topic I wanted to discuss with them, and I chose Gastroenterology and Central Nervous System. Well, they think that I shall never defeat them in any subject, so just let me choose the ones I think I was good at and shoot me down right there - the best humiliating method.
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Alien language follows:-
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The question began with polyps. A crocodile from the other side of the globe asked me on how many types of benign and malignant polyps do I know of, followed by Familial Adenomatous Polyposis (FAP). Then I came across a tricky point that, for patients with FAP, the chance for a single polyp to turn malignant is higher, the same, or lower than those without it. The answer is - chance for each polyp is the same, only the number of polyp is more than a hundred time different. He was also interested in FAP related syndromes that named Gardner and Turcot, and whether FAP can be cured if total colectomy is performed. I could only say that it cannot be cured and can appear somewhere else, but guessed one of the two alternative sites wrongly. I was asked on the screening of FAP, which he was looking for the locus 5q21 and gene name APC. The topic ended with to Gastro-Intestinal Stromal Tumour (GIST), what I remember for it was the expensive tyrosine kinase inhibitor, Glivec, and, my helpless face when I was asked the resistance mechanism of the tumour to it.

The local crocodile began with 'What is the commonest brain cancer in adults?' This was a notoriously tricky question, just like 'What is the commonest liver/bone cancer', the answer should be metastasis, metastasis, and metastasis, unless specified otherwise. 'Primary brain tumour, I mean.' 'Astrocytoma.' 'Which one?' 'Glioblastoma multiforme' 'How does it kill patient?'

'Infiltrating the brainstem, cardiorespiratory centre, blah blah blah.'
'Not exactly.'
'Tonsillar herniation, press on brainstem, blah blah blah.'
'No. What leads to tonsillar herniation?'
'Increase in intra-cranial pressure.'
'Yes, what are the signs and symptoms?'
'Headache, nausea and vomiting. Anisocoria, focal neurological deficit like hemiplegia.'
'No...what is the global changes?' I was frowned at.
'Coma!'
'Excellent.' I received the classical cunning smile again.
Finally I got his mind after hanging around the garden for so long.

Then the topic was switched to 'tell me the secondary causes of kidney disease'.
Common things come first, hypertension, diabetes mellitus, systemic lupus erythematosus...
'Can you think of any deposition into kidney?'
'Amyloidosis!'
'What is the causes of amyloidosis?' When he asked, I got a sense of digging my own grave.

'Tumour!'
'Yes! What tumour can cause amyloidosis?'

Shit! I really dug my own grave.

'Any kind of tumour that can produce lots of protein?' The crocodile tried to help me when he saw my hesitancy.
'Err...may I guess, it is multiple myeloma?'
'Ha! Come on, you actually know more than your confidence!' A cunning smiling face appeared in front of me again.
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Alien language ends here.
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The examination ended when a photo was taken on three of us, with my back facing the camera. I came out of the examination room without any lacerations, contrutions or bruises. No crocodile biting marks, of course.

When I returned dorm, seeing the gang of fellows aggregated in my room, I can strongly feel our brotherhood. To my deepest sadness, one of my friends was caught by the crocodiles for not running fast enough. I disclosed this bad news to him on phone while he was out and I was reading the letter, dare not to tell him my name was also on the other page of it. He had been living with me for the whole year, and we studied together days and nights before the exam.

I can produce no reason why one of us was invited to the distinction viva and the other one was on the pull up viva. I can speak for him that he is not a lazy, nor a stupid sheep. He studied the same notes that I am studying. I am stronger than him in some areas and he have more knowledge in other areas than I do. I must say that we are essentially at the same level.

The only reason I can attribute to is that the questions are not well set to let him show his power, and, what is in my mind is that, though this viva, he will have a chance to defend himself in front of the panels of examiners, that he deserves a pass.

May I quote some Chinese proverb for myself, and both of us.

For me:-

"人無千日好，花無百日紅。求學如逆水行舟，不進則退。"

For both of us:-

"勝不驕，敗不餒。"

I have to be humble at all time, and may God help my dear friend, who is now sitting at the viva examination room, in front of a dozen of examiners, and send him wisdom and calm, to pass with every success.